First Draft of First Paper

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Comments

  1. Cooper MaskelFebruary 11, 2020 at 4:55 PM

    My first impression is that your paper is pretty good in terms of overall format(APA, references, etc.), and the analysis sections of your essay are fine. There are a few things I noticed that could offer improvement, though.

    All of your headings after the title heading("Writing in the Workforce") should be bold. On pages 6 and 7, there were also a few spaces/returns at the top of the page that should be deleted. It seems like you don't have the "Conclusion" title on your conclusion page, as well.

    At the end of your introduction, I would recommend including a one-lined thesis statement saying exactly what topics you analyzed(Teaching the Writing, Feedback and Responses, Conferences, and Lesson Plans).

    To be specific, the paragraph "Teaching the Writing" could include a few more thoughts or lines of analysis since the quotes take up a lot of the space.

    Miscellaneous: There are some personal pronouns that I'd cut out throughout the paper not in the interview section, which can include them. There are also some ways I'd rephrase sentences that could be better structured, which I included on the printed essay.

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  2. xbluehFebruary 11, 2020 at 6:33 PM

    Generally say, this paper is excellent. I love the way of begining with a quote from some famous guy. Still, I think u can improve the quality of the paper by following some suggestions below.

    First, even though structure like Academic-(Teaching, Feedback, Conferences and Lessons), Non-academic-(Teaching, Feedback, Conferences and Lessons) is not mandatory, it's still better to have Academic and Non-academic as subtitles for the convinence of readers to get the idea of which part u are talking about at the first glance. If u intended to use the structure now, u can directly point out whether Academic or Non-academic is being analysed under the subtitle.

    Secondly, having a conclusion is strongly suggested. Owning a suggestion would not only make a proper end of the paper, but also it would take the role of summarize the whole paper, which plays a key part in making sure readers can fully understand the main idea of the paper. It's not very hard to write a good conclusion since it serves many simliar functions as the begining paragraphs. Just change several words in the first paragraph and add something conclusive and it would make a good summary.

    The last one is about References part. For the third one, u didn't mention the name of the author for the paper. By going through the URL u left in the Reference page, I found out the writer is Carrie Spector. I'll attach the correct reference for this one below:
    Spector, C. (2019). "If You don't Have a Strong Supply of Well-prepared Teachers, Nothing Else in Education Can Work". Retrieved from https://ed.stanford.edu/news/if-you-don-t-have-strong-supply-well-prepared-teachers-nothing-else-education-can-work

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